Dear American Culture, Would you stop convincing everyone that we have to have things like smartphones, dishwashers, and vacation funds so I can stop feeling pressured to make more money and buy more things? I would really like to not have to work so much. The blame is really on me, I know, but I would appreciate it if you would just lay off and stop pushing consumerism.
Dear Adulthood, You stink. I miss playing with chalk on the driveway and having someone else make phone calls to insurance companies. Please go away.
Dear Jiffy Frosting, You’ve been around for every birthday in the Holtman household. There were times when we thought we wouldn’t be able to find you in any store, but you have persevered and we owe you our thanks. Our dentists owe you their thanks for sending their kids through college.
Dear Government, I would really like to go backpacking at the end of this month. Could you please keep that in mind and maybe re-open our national parks? I need my fill of trails and trees.