That’s how I feel on a Wednesday night. Folded laundry still on the floor. Belly pooched from a bowl of ice cream I did not need. No views on my blog from the past two days.
Maybe it’s silly to be vulnerable about that, but in an age when everyone is screaming at you about how to do what you love, and doing what you love isn’t getting you anywhere…sometimes it’s downright depressing.
Did you know that my highest visited page on my blog is one of the first posts I ever wrote? It was a review I did about the Freeflys sample site (which I don’t think even exists anymore). I mean, thousands of views more than any of my other posts.
You’re supposed to give people what they want, right? Apparently all they want from my little old blog is a review.
It was never about the money anyway. I don’t like having a lot of money. Not that I ever had any. But I wouldn’t know what to do with all of it. It usually goes to ice cream or Cajun food. No, it’s not about the money. It’s about doing something that matters and it leaving some sort of impact. I don’t want to fight the algorithms and optimize for SEO and schedule my Pinterest pins to scream over everyone else on the Internet.
But I don’t want all these beautiful words getting left by the wayside either. What’s a girl to do?
It’s nights like these, when I notice the body weight slowly climbing back on, when I learn I’m so out of touch with my friends I didn’t even know one was pregnant, when I don’t see any results from all the early mornings of writing, writing, writing—that I feel inadequate. That I feel like what’s uniquely me isn’t worth trying to build, and I should either just stop or play by everyone else’s rules.
Soooo….does this mean I still play by the rules? I do like providing specifically how-to articles. But I don’t like only doing those. I do love Pinterest and Instagram and Guest Blogging. But I don’t like using them as the sole purpose of getting you to read my blog and listen to me (look at me, look at me!).
So, I feel inadequate. How about you?
I mean, I just mentioned a couple things that make me feel tiny. I have’t even started on any other area of my life. But I did want to break from my tirade and say, “hey you over there. Yes, you, the dreamer. I see you. I see how you desire more than anything to add to this world and not just take from it. How you battle with selfishness and insecurity. You’re trying all these things, and no one seems to notice. Which would be fine, but how can you help people if no one notices?”
We believe that we have to be noticed, anyway. Especially those of us who want to write or sing or design. Even those of us who want to teach, speak, build, and help. We have to have a big social following or a strong network of relationships. And it’s frustrating when we’re trying to grow what people tell us to, but it’s not working. The world is so crowded and loud these days.
This is what I’m going to do.
So look, I’m gonna to do my best to be real. I’m gonna do my best to be helpful. And I’m gonna do my best to not sound like any other writer, but rather be my unique self. I’m gonna do my best to be a cheerleader in your corner, because gosh darn do I know what it feels like to seem “not enough,” “ignored,” “unfriended.” I bet you feel that way, too.
Maybe we don’t really need to have thousands of people for whom to create. Our hearts don’t handle the fame very well anyway.
But those few people who really need what we have to offer? They matter enough for us to dive deep into our dream and our creativeness with our whole hearts. I kind of talk about that in my article here
It’s okay if we still feel inadequate
Sometimes I think I’m good at a slew of things. Other times I wonder if I have anything to offer. Today, I feel as though I have a fairly good handle at stringing some words together, so right now that’s what I’ll give. You know, sign up for the newsletter or not. Check back with this blog or not. It’s your tight schedule and I want you to form it in a way that serves you and your people best. But if you choose to spend any time with me, I promise I’ll try to give my best. I’ll cheer you on; I’ll give you whatever tips I know.
Isn’t it just a little okay to be inadequate anyway? We’re all here livin’ it. It’s part of the human existence. We all need to start somewhere and be honest about it along the way.
And if you’re here because of the Freeflys review, I’m sorry to say it’s not much help to you anymore. But thanks for checking in; I hope we can still be friends.