Disclaimer: I have been at this mom thing for only two years; there are a lot more mothers who can do this better than me, and I’m sure they live closer to you. I won’t be hurt if you ask them for advice instead of me.
So it was after the third day in a row of watching movies in our PJs that I felt sick and guilty. How could I do this to my child – wasn’t I killing her brain, her imagination, her eyesight?
I didn’t feel any better when a dear friend mentioned how the girl she nannies doesn’t have any screen time. While I am proud of the fact that Alice doesn’t play games on our phones (she does love looking at pictures of herself on them), I just wondered how much I was ruining my daughter and her future.
I love being a mom. Like, really love it. I told my husband that if I’d known how much I would love having kids I would have jumped on the wagon a lot sooner. Glad I didn’t though, I may not have ended up with the kids I did.
Also, did NOT like being pregnant.
But I’m not up for any Mom of the Year awards. I let her watch movies a lot; I let her snack too much; I lose my temper and I get wrapped up with stupid things on my phone.
So the only thing I can offer you is the only thing I tell myself to prevent any ending-up-in-the-closet-in-the-fetal-position: you have to give yourself grace.
The generations of mothers before us didn’t have everything figured out, and we sure as the sun is shining don’t know what we’re doing, even with the plethora of you-let-your-kids-eat-dye-number-40? blogs out there giving us all this information, some helpful and some not.
The only reason I know that – while I’m not super mom (my toddler is getting lasagna for the third day in a row tonight) – I’m still a good mom, is because I am allowed to be human. I’m going to mess up my kids in some way that will put them in therapy I. am. Sure. But I love them and this is a learning process for them and me.
I have weeks of laundry to catch up on and I still need to get my daughter from her room post nap, but I will never stop trying; I will never stop picking myself up and dusting myself off after I let another day go by when we didn’t walk outside and instead had the TV going; I will never stop asking my kids for forgiveness when I lose my cool, or wasn’t present enough, or whatever dumb thing I did.
It’s humbling. It’s sanctifying. It’s beautiful.