Last week’s marriage post finished off ways to make the most of your time with your spouse. One of the ways to do that is to ask good questions, deep questions, silly questions, and mundane questions. My husband and I do this a lot; it’s a good way to spend a dinner date when you’re not sure what else to talk about or you don’t want to keep bringing up your kids, pets, friends, in-laws, etc. Asking random questions reveals your spouse’s heart in ways you can’t by just sharing about your day or problem-solving your latest home project. Asking questions means you’re still dating your spouse, and that’s important!
Below is a lengthy, but not exhaustive, list of questions to ask your spouse. I encourage you to come up with questions that match your own personality and build on your own history, but these are a good start if you’ve never been in the habit of this before.
- What’s your favorite color?
- What’s your favorite movie?
- What’s your favorite book?
- What’s your favorite musician?
- What is your idea of a dream vacation?
- How many kids do you want? (unless, of course, you’re done having kids)
- What sport did you play in high school?
- What’s your favorite food?
- What’s your favorite meal we cook together?
- What’s the best gift you’ve ever been given?
Why these questions? Because the answers to these questions will change over time. My favorite color changes every season. They seem like answers you should know as your spouse’s best friend, because you should know. So asking them again from time to time keeps you in the loop about your best friend, and if an acquaintance asks what kind of cake they should bring to your surprise birthday bash, you’ll know the answer right away.
- If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
- What would be your dream job?
- What country do you want to visit before you die?
- If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
- What does your dream house look like?
- What is your ideal workout?
- What’s something you really want for a gift but don’t think you will ever get?
Why these questions? Because life with your spouse should be fun and silly. And this is a way for you to better understand the personality of your spouse. You will never stop learning about how your husband works, what makes him tick. If you try hard enough, there is always something new to learn.
- What is your greatest fear?
- What’s one thing you really like about yourself?
- What’s one thing you really like about me?
- What’s one thing you’re unhappy about yourself?
- What’s your biggest goal for this month? This year?
- What’s something on your bucket list that we can work on accomplishing?
- What is one of your biggest regrets?
- How can I better love you this week?
Why these questions? Sometimes I think that we have this idea that once we get married, we know almost everything about our spouse. We’ve asked all the big questions during dating, and we’ve learned all about their past. But your husband is not just his past. He is always changing and growing and learning and falling down and getting up. Marriages run into trouble when the couple thinks they have their counterpart figured out. But we don’t. While my husband’s mind isn’t running a mile a minute like mine is (men just aren’t wired that way), I still don’t know everything he is thinking and feeling.
- You’re in a room without doors or windows with a bear, a lion, and a puma. You only have a foot-long PVC pipe to protect you. Based on your knowledge of these three animals, how do you stay alive?
- Say you have to make a career switch when you’re 62 years old (three years before retirement). What career would you choose?
- What pet would you rather have? A chinchilla, an iguana, or a skunk? And why?
- Would you rather have your mind serve as an mp3 player so you can listen to music whenever you want or be able to watch your dreams on television?
Why these questions? Men and women are different. Individuals are different. When you ask silly questions like this that don’t really seem to have a point, you learn about their preferences and strengths and how their minds work in an indirect way. You see into the creative mind that is your husband’s – for we are all creative. Never forget that.
Turn it around:
- What’s MY favorite movie?
- What is MY favorite way to relax?
- What do you think MY superpower should be?
- What is MY best trait?
- What is MY love language?
- What is MY ideal vacation?
Why these questions? Adam and I just started doing this recently, and found it was both fun and insightful. I found that Adam knows me better than I know myself sometimes. I found that though I thought something else (for example, my favorite color was pink for a while), Adam observed different things (I hardly wear or own any pink things, and always tend to pick a different color combination). If it’s a bigger issue than a favorite color – like I think I’m being kind, but really I’m being a snob – I can adjust my actions as needed.
What are some questions of your own that you can ask your spouse? Answer in the comments below!